Pride is a mortal sin, and how I was able to overcome it.
Pride is as a mortal sin, and how I was able to overcome it.
The story that happened to me 15 years ago, it is a continuation of my first story, which turned my concept of the world, upside down. This gave me one more confirmation that a higher power does exist, and it leads us through out our entire life. I have no intention to question someone in their faith – this should come to their heart and not necessarily immediately. My story is about how I had to break my pride, which prevented me to live and enjoy life.
I thank God every day of my life and for every situation, he brings me, independently of the degree of its influence on my ego. Living in forgiveness makes even the biggest disappointment or frustration, as the next step to success. This has allowed me to stop worrying and start living in peace with myself.
Probably everyone who has dealt with cancer, knows what fear plagues us when these thoughts or sensations comes in our minds. I KNOW WHAT IS IT! This fear was so deeply laid in my mind that it was almost impossible to fight, on a subconscious level. 20 years ago, I decided to seriously go to church. I’m used to attending church in Ukraine, but in the US there are many choices and they are very different from the Orthodox. This fear stirred up my old memories and I began to remember the suffering that my relatives experienced with cancer that lead to their death. I went and saw my doctor, but I had to wait a few weeks my test results.
My husband was very supportive and said: “Lets not put the cart before the horse”. “You don’t even know if you have anything”. ” Even if you have something, we have good insurance and the US has the best medicine in the world. The doctors here treat breast cancer everyday and have a very high degree of success”. “You may being worrying for nothing”. His advice went in one ear and out the other. I could not think of anything else. Some of my friends began to send me various articles about this disease, they even seemed to have conspired with each other. The pain became so strong that I lost track of time.
At the same time I had the profile on “My classmate”. On one of those ill-fated days my friends asked a young woman, who I did not know, to message me. My first thought was: “What did she need from me?” She insisted, and I added her to my friends, and then we met on Skype. She was from Kiev. We did not say much – she just wanted to tell me to read the Bible, especially, Matthew. I confessed to her that it was difficult to read the Bible, that i would fall asleep while reading page one. She asked me to really try it and we agreed to meet the next day. I really was not up to reading the Bible. I tried to drive the bad thoughts out of my head and deal with severe pain and fear. However, in the evening, I decided to read. I’m a Scorpio and if I make a promise, I must perform.
That night I picked up a Bible and asked God to help me understand what I was about to read. When I came to the story of how Jesus went to his death, I shed tears and the events were so real that I even heard the sound of chains … I read this book of the Bible in one breath. The pain did not leave me, as my fears made them even stronger. Something prompted me to kneel and repent. I went to my room, closed the door tightly, and began to tell in the dark, all my sins to God, asking for forgiveness from Him. I did it sincerely. The tears flowed as never before in my life. He heard me and after repentance somehow came relief and … I fell asleep on the floor.
When I woke up, my pain was not as intense, and the fear was not as heartbreaking. I then asked God,” what’s next?”He told me to get into my car and go to the church. Still in the track suit in which I slept, I got in the car and asked, “Where should I go?”. His reply was “go and I will show you the way”.
The first church I stopped at was Catholic. I stopped and tried to see the Pastor. He was not in and I was told to make an appointment. Knowing I could not wait, I drove by a few more churches. Upon arrival at each church, all I heard was, “No not that one.” As I kept searching I came to an intersection that had two churches across the street from each other.
I was directed to turn right, then make a hard left, and go into the parking lot of the church in front on me. I entered the church and there I met an elderly lady. She asked, “Can I help you”? Yes, I really need to talk with the Pastor. She had me follow her into a large hall that was full of people. They were saying good bye to a man that was lying in a coffin. I was absolutely stupefied. I elderly woman told me the pastor was busy with the family of the man that had pasted away. She said I could speak with another person, who was highly respected in the church. Then she led me to a room on the second floor and asked me to wait.
And now the most interesting thing happened…
Just after a few minutes, a girl, around the age of 21, and who was dressed very plainly, approach me, and asked if she could help. At first I thought, a lady like myself, with MD education and elegant, I should tell this girl about myself and my problems.
And suddenly, I felt someone slapped in my forehead. This is no joke. I heard, “forget your pride, remember you asked me for my help”. I couldn’t believe what I felt or heard. I told this young girl my story and she asked me if she could invite another lady to come and pray with us. I thought this would be nice, but I would have to tell the story over again.
Then it happened again, another slap on the forehead and another warning about my pride. After all is said and done, three girls were with me and they all laid their hands on me. We all prayed together asking for God’s help. We prayed and then I felt that my pain was gone. To this day, I have never had an ounce of pain. I have had yearly mammograms and I have always have had a clean bill of health. This experience taught me a good lesson. We truly are not alone, God does listen, I pray everyday, that everyone dumps their pride in the trash can.
Soon after this experience, I was baptized and I continue to go to church. This situation has given me a beautiful lesson that made me think about my attitude towards education, knowledge, money, which have no meaning for the Most High! By means of the common man, often a person with a physical disability, he teaches us the truth: “Pride is – one of the deadly sins!”.
As a psychologist and a women I know many personal stories of people which were radically changed by their pride. Their lives have never achieved their dreams. They attempted to replace those dreams with expensive brands, cars, clothing and false achievements. Their soul soon became filled with deeply hidden pain which has led them to play at happiness and success.
Those who are sincere and independent have no need to prove their importance and superiority. They live their lives, thanking God for inner peace. This freedom can not be bought or sold and allows people to be truly happy, no matter the situation.
Life is about what we do for others. Remember, God tells us, what we give comes back to us ten fold.
This is how we all should live. Isn’t it?